What is it about you, panda? You’re a giant fucking bear with mandibles of death and for some reason you can get away with whatever the hell you feel like doing. Most of the time it’s nothing, because all you eat is freaking bamboo and you’re lazier than a pot-smoking koala. You’d think that being a branch-eating, sedentary fat ass would mellow you out, but god forbid a human get anywhere near you. Maybe we’d just like to cuddle, did you ever think of that you irritable pretend-bear? We all know you’re really a raccoon.

And then here’s the real joke, you damn near kill a guy but get off scott free because you’re so damn cute. You just can’t help but be the most adorable animal on the face of the earth can you? Next time I rob somebody’s jacket I’m gonna roll around in it after and hope the police let me walk free. You know, panda, elephants get killed for this kind of shit but you just prance around with the world in your outrageously cute little panda hands. I bet you’re real pleased with yourself right now.

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